


To the depths

by mkhhhx



Series: KiHo Bingo S2017 [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fishermen AU, Forbidden Love, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, KiHo Bingo, M/M, Ocean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 15:46:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11256039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx/pseuds/mkhhhx
Summary: Two extra helping hands on the ship were welcomed. That is, until Hoseok starts falling.





	To the depths

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people! This is my submission for my first Kiho bingo square: sirens/mermaids/ocean, hope you enjoy.  
> The story and scenery are partly inspired by the movie Unforgettable(2016) and Seventeen's One Fine Day.

 

[...]Alas, how can we quit swimming

only because a few got drοwned.

Alas, how can we betray the sea

because it has ways to swallow us.

Sea is like love:

Thousands enjoy it - one has to pay.

 

D.Christianopoulos, The Sea-1962

 

 

“Do you believe in sirens Hoseok?” Hyunwoo asks, resting on the wheel of their ship, the sea quiet, sun bright and warm, the weather ideal. Hoseok scratches the back of his head, thinking.     

“Not really, do you? Did you see one last night?” He chuckles, Hyunwoo’s face lighting up. They had a good night, calm waters, their nets filled with fish.

He looks outside, Changkyun and Jooheon playing on the deck, running around chasing each other, Hyungwon on his usual spot, napping. Hyunwoo would usually send him to scold them, but they worked so hard last night and their catch was one of their best so far, so he lets them be.

“I didn’t and I hope I won’t see any soon, we need the ship intact” Hyunwoo makes a smooth turn to the right, no need for maps anymore, he could guide them back home with his eyes closed.

This sea and the ship is all they have, along with each other. Their fathers and their grandfathers and everyone before them were fishermen too. Being born males to their small village automatically meant that they’ll learn to swim before they walk. Until fifteen, they helped their fathers and went to school and after, one by one they started working on the ship, from Hyunwoo to Changkyun, who turned sixteen just a week before.

Their future is all predictable, the sons of the fishermen may marry the daughters of the farmers or craftsmen, have kids and take care of their parents. They leave the village and wander for sometimes just three, sometimes even ten days, until their nets are full, working by night and resting by day. When they go back, they wait for the moon to be bright again to light their way and the riptides on their side. And so, the circle resumes again and again.

Until it’s broken sometimes, when instead of the open sea, they set sail for the town across it, much bigger than the village they are used to. They bring back goods, clothes and sweets and tools and everything the villagers ask them and pay in advance for. Such a trip will be the one they’ll go after being back to their village, now visible from the cabinet they are in.

“Go wake Hyungwon up, we’ll need help to anchor” Hyunwoo orders and Hoseok is out of the room and walking towards Hyungwon, kneeling beside him to shake him out of his slumber gently. It’s funny how the younger is always sleepy and getting seasick easily, that life wasn’t meant for him, but he had no choice.

“Boys, are the nets ready?” he inspects the fish, neatly in boxes and the nets, looking in a good condition.

“Yes hyung!” they reply together and Hoseok smiles widely. They are really good boys, clever and hardworking. He suspects they would rather be living in the town, maybe go to university and they’ll be suited to, but never actually heard them voice such thoughts.

The boat is on the dock, people waiting for them, family members and others, all familiar, working together, forming chains to pass the boxes which will eventually end up in the market, the ship lighter, tiredness taking over him. His father is waiting, with that proud grin of his, cigarette between his lips and smelling like the ocean, like home.

They climb up together the hill to their house, Hoseok’s mother waiting for them, embracing her son the moment he passes the door, taking him by the hand to the kitchen, the table already set up. His younger brother gets out of his room and takes his seat, asking Hoseok to tell him stories. Hoseok recites how Changkyun took a squid and scared Jooheon off his hammock, squirting its ink on Jooheon’s face. They all laugh together.

“Typical Lims and Lees” his father says.

Maybe their parents wanted to live in the town too.

 

Hoseok has five days before they depart again. He spends them resting. Every morning he walks to the market and even further, to the fields. He notices the girls eyeing him and wonders if his wife to be is among them. They are beautiful and modest, hardworking and raised to be perfect housewives. Yet, he gives himself some more time to choose, fully knowing that his parents are waiting him to bring a girl home soon, after asking for her hand. He is handsome, strong and healthy, from a good family. No girl from his village would deny him as her husband, even if he’s supposed to spend half his life in the ship.

Before lunch, he takes his brother from school and they hike to the east of the port, on large, rough rocks, forming caves and bays, perfect spots for fishing. They talk and Hoseok teaches him the different kind of fish the waters house and baits they use for them. His brother is just like him, physically and in the way he thinks, both practical and emotional. They treasure their time together these last years. They get back home with a bucket full of mackerels and an octopus, still alive.

At early afternoons, Hoseok works on the ship with Hyunwoo. They clean it inside out, check everything, fix, organize and throw away the things they don’t need. Jooheon and Changkyun meet them, Hyungwon following leisurely behind them. They make the youngers sweep and mop and when they are done and the ship shines as good as new they strip down to their underwear and dive from the deck.

The sea is welcoming, the seaweed a carpet tickling their feet as the boys swim and play and others soon join them, the farmers’ and the craftsmen’s sons, the daughters sitting  playfully on the sand, chatting and daring each other to speak to the boys they like. Someone has brought a ball and they play on the beach, until light becomes insufficient and they have to get back to the village, skin itchy and eyes red from the salt.

Soon, the day comes, when Hyunwoo is pulling the anchor up, Jooheon helping him with the ropes while Hoseok is on the wheel with Hyungwon, who has still to learn the way. Changkyun is inside, bringing his map. It’s a whole day and night’s way to the town and their list is too long this time, Hyunwoo proposed they stay for a night to make sure they get everything, the others of course, agreeing.

They take turns on the wheel, Hyunwoo and Hoseok, the other three enjoying the soft summer breeze, occasionally throwing bread on the air, when seagulls are nearby. Hoseok has to chase them inside, knowing they’ll get sick if they sit under the scorching sun more.

Inside the ship, they have a room with six hammocks, five for them and one spare, usually for leaving clothes on. There is a also a sink and a desk with a chair, further down their cramped bathroom. For outsiders it would seem claustrophobic, but it was their playground when growing up, so even if it smells funny and some nights the waves are so high the desk moves to the other wall, they don’t mind.

They arrive at the town at early afternoon the next day, blinded by the first flickering artificial lights and buildings tall and as far as the eyes reach. They walk all together, Hyunwoo leading the way, he’s been there the most times. People make space for them, as if they can sense that they don’t belong in the town, with clothes old and overworn, tanned and muscular, in contrast with the ones living in the town, in fancy clothes and with their large cars.

In front of a shop, hidden at a corner, squeezed between two hotels they halt, Hyunwoo opening the door and holding it for everyone to get inside. As per usual, there are no customers, only the man behind the counter, delicate and soft spoken. Minhyuk, a distant cousin of Jooheon and owner of the trade business. He greets them warmly, offering coffee and his mother’s cake, he was waiting for them.

Changkyun hands Minhyuk the long list of merchandise they need and the older man comments on it. He has most tools and cloths already stored and kept for them, but some things will need to be prepared or delivered the next day. The hotel next door has clean cheap rooms for the seamen, enabling them to turn down Minhyuk’s and his parents’ offer of staying in their house.

They do through, eat dinner together, Minhyuk’s mother preparing more meat for a night than they usually eat on a whole month.

“Hyunwoo, I called your dear father last night, to ask for a favor” Minhyuk’s father voices, putting down his fork. He is a merchant too, tall and lean, no need to be muscular, no rough voice, so different from their own fathers.

“Yes?” Hyunwoo shifts the attention from his plate, in his own calm manner.

“A boy came to ask for work two days ago. I would gladly give him a chance, but he is not suitable for our job. He looks sincere and told us he came from the mainland but has worked in the ships crossing the oceans before. Maybe you could talk with him,” Hoseok thinks that such an arrangement is unlikely, rarely someone out of their village would be accepted to the job. Still, two more hands would be needed and appreciated.

Minhyuk’s father informs them that the boy is currently at the hotel and they agree to meet him, only Hyunwoo and Hoseok for a start. They leave the Lee’s house, promising to stop by again before they leave and arrange their stay. Two rooms, Jooheon, Changkyun and Hyungwon staying together and the elders sharing the other one.

Hoseok changes clothes, waiting for Hyunwoo to take his shower. Such luxuries, bathtubs, balconies, the silver short fridge, are rare. They are in front of room number 106 a bit after 10 in the night, knocking the door.

The figure opening doesn’t look anything like someone fitted for the sea. The man is short and thin, disturbingly so. He is dressed poorly, his shirt kept together sewed everywhere, his pants torn at the ends. He looks at them confused, even scared.

“We were told you are seeking for a job” Hoseok provided, watching the tension leaving the man’s shoulders, opening the door enough with a welcoming gesture. The room is tidy, only a bag next to the bed betraying that someone lives there. His name is Yoo Kihyun, younger than Hoseok and older than Hyungwon. He talks with caution, telling he has been looking to work for someone for long, but nobody was interested, until he met Minhyuk and his family, who helped him, be it sympathy or pity.

“What can you do on a boat?” Hyunwoo is curious, in his right. He is the captain after all.

“I worked at a cargo as the cabin boy for two years, I don’t have much strength but I know about ropes on the ship and I learn easily. I can clean and cook for you too” Kihyun responded. Hyunwoo rubbed his stubble, looking like he was thinking but Hoseok knew the decision was already made.

“Tomorrow afternoon, be ready to leave with us. If you work sufficiently, we will keep you on the ship” Hyunwoo says, the last part on his way to the door. Kihyun bows and Hoseok goodnights him, not missing the fire in his eyes.

 

The next morning, he barges into the next room, Jooheon insisting that they need help to wake Hyungwon up, now that he laid in an actual mattress. They decide to throw a couple glasses of water on him, until he becomes uncomfortable enough to crawl out of the covers and start getting ready.

Hoseok likes the town, with all kinds of shops and people he doesn’t know. He spends the little money he has on a new jacket and ice cream, the five of them wandering around, splitting occasionally, to either buy or look something for themselves or for the list they have to fill. Until early afternoon, they are back at Minhyuk’s, who helps them transfer things to the ship on his pick-up truck. They don’t forget to see off his parents and just before the sun sets, they meet with Kihyun at the hotel’s entrance.

Jooheon is the most thrilled with the new addition to their crew, walking in circles around Kihyun and asking all kind of questions.

“Jooheon, don’t make him uncomfortable” Changkyun pulls his friend out of Kihyun’s personal space.

“It’s okay, thank you for giving me a chance” he adds.

The voyage back is nothing out of the ordinary, apart from Kihyun, watching and asking. He indeed didn’t lie when claiming he knows the basics, his hands expertly tying knots, even teaching some of the most difficult to Changkyun, the only one genuinely interested.  Hyungwon doesn’t pay him much attention and Jooheon is sitting at the edge of the deck, legs hang, touching the water.

Later, Hoseok meets Kihyun at the room, putting together ingredients from the town and fresh fish they caught just hours ago. He gets close to the other man, watches him work with the knife, licking his lips in concentration.

“Cooking?” Kihyun jerks forward, startled, cutting his finger instead of the fillet.

“I…I am sorry hyung, I didn’t know you were here”

“Is your hand alright? Go wash it.”

Kihyun nods, stepping in front of the sink with his eyes downcast.  
They don’t talk after that, Hoseok helping fry the fish and he has a meal as tasty as his mother’s.

When they arrive, the villagers are more interested in Kihyun than the merchandise brought to them. It’s understandable, as no strangers set foot to their village, they have no reason too. A farmer offers an old house he has with minimum furniture and Kihyun looks ready to cry, offering his deeper words of gratitude to the people. There are those who do not like the idea of a stranger among them, but as long as he doesn’t do any harm, they do not complain.

They all get separated for the night, going to their homes, Hoseok with more funny stories for his brother.

“Kihyun looks nice” the boy comments, Hoseok nodding, chewing his food.

“Better feed him or he’s gonna be blown by the wind” his father jokes heartily. Kihyun is part of their family, so soon.

“I can make him something tomorrow, or Hoseok, invite him here to eat, so we can properly meet him” his mother says bringing more rice to the table and Hoseok agrees.

 

Kihyun is nothing special and at the same time he is the most special person Hoseok ever met. They fit and stick together from the very start, like they were meant to meet. When they are not out for fishing, they spend most of their free time together, exploring, the island and each other. Kihyun is an enigma Hoseok needs to solve. He needs to know everything and let Kihyun learn everything about him too.

On one of their hiking trips, Hoseok asks Kihyun why he left his home, to travel so far away. Kihyun stopped, sat on a flat rock and leaned on Hoseok next to him.

“I was…unique” he simply said.

They don’t talk more about Kihyun’s past, but instead, Hoseok shows him all the places he found as a child, caves and beaches and sites on the hills sheltered and sheltering them from the world. They take snacks together and talk the days away. Sometimes, they would wander together in the market, all the girls’ eyes on them. Kihyun is beautiful, elegant, like a flower and at the same time manly, with his rough hands and secret toned muscles. And that voice, warm and liquid like honey.

Kihyun’s house is small, just a room and a bathroom, but they both love it. Kihyun pays the full price to the original owner, little by little, every time their nets are heavy and their bellies full. Hoseok dives and brings him the most beautiful of sea shells and they decorate it together, the walls, the windows, the door.

No man in their village is to be eating alone on a Sunday, Kihyun usually spending it in the Shin’s household. He helps Hoseok’s mother cook, he talks politics with Hoseok’s father and always has a story to keep his little brother entertained. Hoseok is content, Kihyun is a good friend and slowly becoming a part of the family, one more son to see off to the sea.

 

“He’s no good Hoseok” Hyunwoo warns him, on one of their rare times together.

“Who” He pretends not to know.

“Kihyun” Hyunwoo passes him the mop.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“What’s wrong with you? I see the way you look at him Hoseok. He is not good news, remember it.”

And Hoseok is confused, because Kihyun can only be good news and he doesn’t look at him in any certain way.

 

The first rain of the year finds Hoseok on Kihyun’s house, watching together the downpour, the air cold, windows cracking from the wind. The farmers will hold a celebration that night, bringing good luck for their crops to grow and their animals to be healthy. Hoseok has a second good pair of pants and he will give it to Kihyun for the night.

They meet the other boys on the way to the feast, all dressed up in clean clothes, their parents following. They eat and dance and there are all kind of games and lottery and Changkyun wins a sheep, promising to invite everyone to eat together. The musicians ask for volunteers to step to the front and sing, Kihyun goes.

Hoseok has heard Kihyun hum to a song before, but not actually sing. He stands still, mesmerized, Kihyun’s voice filling the meadow, making shivers run down his spine.  A voice like velvet, so smooth, falling and being lifted again in time with Hoseok’s heart, beating fast on his chest.

The song ends and Kihyun is again on his side, slightly red and out of breath, his applause calming down.

“Did you like it?” He whispers to Hoseok’s ear.

“I loved it” he mutters in a shaky voice.

“Let’s go to the beach Hoseok”

Nobody notices them leaving, Kihyun’s hand on Hoseok’s sleeve, pulling him, almost with urgency, walking fast the way to the beach, to a place they know nobody else can see or find them, hidden behind sharp-edged rocks. Hoseok mimics Kihyun, taking off his shoes, leaving them, the golden sand comforting to his feet.

“Hoseok?” Kihyun’s voice comes out in a hurried whisper, making him turn his body to face the younger man, reaching for his hands.

“Are you okay Kihyun?”

“I wanted to ask you something” Kihyun says, eyes on Hoseok, holding his gaze.

“Yes? Hoseok says softly, getting nervous with the shift of the atmosphere between them.

“Do you want to kiss me?” And silence.

Hoseok never thought about kissing Kihyun before. He had kissed girls, he knew it felt good. Kihyun was just…Kihyun, there was no reason not to kiss him. Hoseok looks at him, illuminated by the moonlight, waiting, relaxed, like he already knows the answer.

Hoseok leans in, not daring to look away from Kihyun’s eyes, burning as their lips touch, just barely before they collide and he feels Kihyun, sucking his lower lip, playfully brushing his tongue over it and at that moment, it’s not just Kihyun anymore, it’s only Kihyun, climbing on his lap and kissing his breath away.  
“Come back home with me tonight”

 

Winter on the ship is harsh, they work drenched to the bones, under layers of clothes, the waves hitting the sides of the boat, producing hollow sounds, like the sea is ready to swallow them. Stories of sailors long lost like this come to mind and Hoseok pulls the nets on the deck with so much force his hands bleed, because he needs that extra weight, to make the ship stop swaying like it’s made of paper.

Hyungwon is trembling, unsteady on his feet even with the extra coat Changkyun gave him and Kihyun further away is paler than Hoseok has ever seen him, lips turned almost blue from the cold. Hyunwoo is shouting on top of his lungs but nobody can hear him, the wind is howling and his voice drifting away.

Every time they arrive back home, less and less people waiting out for them, Jooheon rushes to the church and prays, thanking his god for guiding them back to safety and asking for the winter to pass quickly, knowing their breaking point is not far away.

Hyungwon hides in the ship’s room one night, after all the nets are up. He cries and he can’t breathe. He is scared of facing such a sea again but more afraid to admit that he can’t keep up with this kind of life anymore. Changkyun hugs him tight and listens. Hyungwon’s grandfather left one day and never came back, he drowned on such a night.

“Sing for me love”

It’s raining heavily and they are stuck in the village for days. Kihyun is making dinner, Hoseok hugging him from behind, stealing all the warmth. Kihyun knows all of Hoseok’s favorite songs and sings him the nights they spend together. He tells his parents they are good friends, he tells he’s gonna bring them a girl by spring, so that they can traditionally marry at summer. He knows his time with Kihyun is limited and treasures every passing second.

They keep their secret sealed. Mornings on the ship, afternoon in Kihyun’s house and nights on the beach. Kihyun makes love to him silently and Hoseok wishes he could listen to Kihyun’s angelic voice, even if it was the last sound before going deaf, but the neighbours are close and their end is closer.

 

Hoseok has his own secrets too. He spends a day in the library, searching his lover’s name. Yoo is a well-known surname, far, in the cities buzzing with life. An enterprise spread and successful all across Korea. There is an old photo of the owner with his two sons and then, the information saying that the younger one is now head of the company with his father. Nothing recent about the elder son, no mention of his name. But Hoseok knows.

It’s a cold day, but for once, sunny. Kihyun wanted new shoes and Hoseok tagged along to the market.

“They are comfortable, Minhyuk has the same pair, right?” Kihyun asks, walking back and forth in the shop.

“Think so, they look right”

Kihyun’s answer never reaches Hoseok’s ears, as he’s staring at the shoemaker’s daughter, sitting on a chair at the other side of the shop, eyeing him back. He breaks. He is tired of questions, of stealing minutes with Kihyun. He wants to put an end to their misery of counting their final days together.

The same evening he visits Kihyun, spends the night with him, for once calling out his name in the dark, let the neighbors hear them. He goes the next morning, careful not to leave anything behind, except his heart. He goes straight to the shoemaker’s house and asks for his daughter’s hand.

 

The long winter passes, like all the past winters and all the ones to come. The ship is sailing in warm and calm waters when he asks Hyunwoo to be his best man for the wedding and the elder agrees happily. Kihyun smiles so brightly hearing the news, wishing him a long and fulfilling wed life.

On his wedding day, every one from their village gathers in the small old church. Hoseok is waiting in his new suit, holding a beautiful bouquet and tries to save his regrets for later. His wife walks towards him and he spots his mother crying somewhere behind him. He puts on his best smile and for once it’s not fake, he makes his parents proud, it’s the right thing to do.

That night, it’s the last time he hears Kihyun sing, with the choir, but he’s the only one Hoseok can hear. His relatives later joke that he is light-hearted, everyone saw him tearing up, just before he took his wife to their new home, her family’s present.

 

Hyunwoo is sleeping and Hoseok is on the wheel, their ship heavy from all the goods Minhyuk sold them. Jooheon is reading a book next to him, his brother labeling their boxes and he watches Kihyun, bathed in rich sunlight, lazily untangling the nets, sparing the tiny fish he finds and throwing them back into the water, they already caught enough.

He doesn’t let himself look at Kihyun more than necessary, doesn’t think about him. Whatever they had wasn’t meant to last and is not coming back. Hoseok just wonders if anyone else has stories like their own. Hyungwon married a girl from the mountains and found his way out, he takes care of livestock now. Changkyun naps on his place on the ship’s deck.

 

The ship’s lights are flickering, a lamp breaking but he only knows because he catches the moment the glass breaks into a million pieces. The air is whipping his face and Hoseok can sense that something is terribly wrong. He and Hyunwoo are both trying to keep the wheel in place, the wood cracking under their hands, about to give up.

It’s just a slip. He loses Kihyun into a wave and when the deck is clean again, Kihyun is not there, Kihyun is not there and Hoseok panics, lets the wheel slip from his hands and runs out, Hyunwoo’s hand on his shoulder barely noticeable. He runs to the railing, his vision blurred from the salty water, but Kihyun is not there, he is nowhere. The lights go off.

 

He wakes up in the hospital, his family beside him and they try to explain, the doctor comes too, but Hoseok can’t bear to listen. The wheel broke, a piece of wood nullifying Hoseok’s right hand.  He tries moving his fingers but two are not even there. They crashed near the port, on the sharp rocks he so adored. Hyunwoo and his brother carried him to the hospital, Changkyun, who was inside barely made it and swam to the coast. Nobody talks about Kihyun, he just catches a conversation, when his children think he is sleeping, no body found, no trace of Kihyun.

They hold a funeral, leaving flowers and wishes to the coast. Nobody remembers Kihyun was a stranger and Hoseok allows himself to cry, Hyungwon holding him as he can’t stand by himself yet. He asks to stay alone, his son promising to come help him get back home later.

He stays there the whole night, blaming himself for the past fifteen years, for all the times he didn’t tell Kihyun he still loved him. Did Kihyun know when he left? Was it painful? Did he call Hoseok’s name? He could have helped him, he could be there with him and they could die together.

 

Kihyun’s death is a numb memory, deep inside his mind, for years after. He works at the market. He comes home to a warm meal every day and waits for his son on the deck with his proudest smile. He orders his gardening tools from the Lees. His hair is turning white and Hyunwoo has already retired.

 

The first autumn rain finds him taking the path to the beach, the hike just a bit too difficult for Hoseok now. He makes it to the highest place on the rocks, sits and tries to remember, how it was coming with Kihyun, in the middle of the night. His lets his eyes relax, the sun setting on the horizon, ocean stretching as far as his vision goes.

He closes his eyes and the shipwreck comes to mind, he imagines the noises, the water, the ship flooding, Changkyun holding his breath to get out and being thrown on the rocks, finding the strength to climb somewhere safe. Hyunwoo, the moment he knew they are gonna crash, maneuvering the ship until he lost control. His brother and Jooheon, in their coats leaving the anchor down, it didn’t make it to the sea bottom on time to save them. And Kihyun’s body, weightless on the ocean’s mercy, swept out of the ship and into the abyss.

Hoseok listens carefully, he doesn’t mind the cold, nor the waves almost reaching his feet. He is high enough. Instead of the wind, he listens to a voice, soft and sweet, soothing, Kihyun’s voice calling him, asking to be together once again and he never wanted anything more in his entire life. He jumps.

 


End file.
